well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She needs sedatives and a leash
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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