he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
