I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
