Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
