His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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