I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize