I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fill condoms, not promises.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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