so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
