Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
