Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
