All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize