I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
