you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize