SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
