Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
