i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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