You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fill condoms, not promises.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
