No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
