ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
