He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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