Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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