I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
