well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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