I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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