I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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