If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I believe in your delicious
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
