I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
