But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
More tranny stories later!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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