The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
