we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
