when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
