did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize