Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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