Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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