I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
