I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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