so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
