She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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