i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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