This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
