Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
