what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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