I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
