im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
