Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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