i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
