Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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