I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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