there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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