i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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