I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
