I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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