2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
