Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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