How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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