Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
