Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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