i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All the doctor said was why
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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