you traded sex for a burrito?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
