I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
