Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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