I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
