How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
