I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
