how can u be prego again
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
