I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
