if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
