Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
