i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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