Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
