I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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