New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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