I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
